why did i just put that spoon in the bin: the autobiography of someone who can’t do the simplest task without daydreaming to the point of distraction
did i leave the back door unlocked: the breakaway bestseller sequel, starting twenty miles down the M4
did i leave the stove on: from the award-winning author of ‘i know i didn’t cook anything today but i can’t help worrying anyway’
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(Source: wendyperrysoto, via pikachuichooseyou)
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im Sorry but you two cant get the marriage. the bible said Adam and Eve not matthew and ashley. come back when youve legally changed your names
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(Source: kayy4short, via chadleymacguff)
Don’t say you’ll ‘treat a girl like a princess’ unless you’re prepared to follow up on that shit.
If I’m not living in a castle by the sea with diplomatic powers over a small country then you’re a bitch-ass liar.
(Source: robinmbrowne, via pikachuichooseyou)
(via vorchamafia)
when i was little i got mad at my mom and said i was running away and i asked her to make me a sandwich to eat while i ran away and she did and i put it in my backpack with a pillow and a capri sun and my mr potato head family and sat on my neighbors front lawn until it got dark
